Yes, You!
I believe we all share some responsibility to engage in civil discourse. Let me encourage you to be a self-starter and not wait for others to begin.

We Can All Do Something
Civil means courteous and polite. And discourse is what we’re engaged in all day, every day. So how can we do it better? How can each of us build consensus, persuade, influence and lead in our own small corners of the universe?

Start With Word Choice
that provides your point of view, without dissing others’ opinions and thoughts. Let’s be honest. We, or our ancestors, have all been the “other” at some point. Many of us still feel we are. And this idea of “othering” truly gets in the way of open communications.

Have You Heard This Expression?
“Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides.” In other words, how we see others show up in the world is not the whole picture. We can never know what others are going through and what they’re dealing with.

Greatest Hits, Part II
Last month, I started a list of communication ideas to help you speak with kindness and find the light. Herewith, I offer more suggestions to bridge ever-widening gaps with respect.

Open Curiosity and Empathy
We can all learn more and try to understand more about those around us.
What can I do to make this easier for you?
I’m curious to hear how…
What would be helpful for me to know about you/the project/the problem?
I’m interested in your thoughts on…
I’m sorry to hear that.
I hear you.

Shift The Angle
Bring a different perspective into the conversation.
Let’s take a step back here, and look at the broader picture…
If we focus more on specific details, we see that…
You know, I often find an analogy helpful here. If we think of…
It might be useful to consider a different aspect of…
I’d like to propose an alternate take on this…
We might want to explore…
Let’s reflect on a couple of different approaches…

Step Back and Encourage Openness
Create enough comfort for others to step forward.
I’m curious. Can you help me understand…?
I see where you’re coming from and I’d like to hear your perspective on…
Do you think there’s an additional way to look at…
Have you explored the possibility that…
What if we try putting that in another context…
I’d like to ensure everyone has a chance to express their thoughts. Can we begin with…?

Lower the Temperature
Help guide the discussion away from differences and towards a mutually acceptable resolution.
Let’s try to find common ground to work from. Can we agree that…?
I know opinions are running high. Let’s commit to focusing on the facts as best we understand them.
I hadn’t considered that angle. Although I respectfully disagree, I’m thinking we can find some middle ground.

Pivot and Make Space
If you sense people feel backed up into a corner, give them some acknowledgement.
I see your point, and I also see it as…
Adding to your perspective, I’d like to present a different assessment.
While I respect your view, here’s an alternative viewpoint…
Building on your outlook, I’m inclined to think…
Along with that perception, I’d like to include the idea…
I hear you, and I want to share another approach.
Somewhat different from that, what if we…

You’ve Got The Idea
Please feel free to adapt this verbiage and make it your own. No one said this was going to be easy. But I believe in making the effort. And I believe in you, you fabulous self-starter. Your words have power and they make a difference.

Let’s close with Brene Brown, who always makes me feel better.
“How can I make sure that, in the maelstrom of my emotions, I stay committed to courage, kindness, and caring for others regardless of the choices made by others? Doing the smallest next right thing is hard, but sometimes it’s all we’ve got.”

Onwards!

Be the happy recipient of more great tips and techniques, along with intelligent musings on the state of communications, by signing up for Diane Ripstein’s regular NewsNotes right here.